run
still i walked when i shoulda run
and i ran when i shoulda walked
and don't i know it
and don't i know it
be careful what you wish for
i wantedmore action
more fun
more drama
more ups
more downs
more love
more laughter
more friends
more fiends
more drinks
more drugs
more party
more stories
more sound
more beat
something to believe in.
more than ever
1 am in my mom's kitchen
the window's open,
still smoky inside.
a mango i plan to eat for breakfast lies next to me.
a pack of wild rice i plan to take back with me to tokyo too.
moving more than ever,
still stuck.
i'm making preparations for so many small things
but not for myself.
i feel like it's easy to move your body from place to place.
but i think i lost my mind somewhere,
maybe at the airport in shanghai.
changes
On March 11 the biggest earthquake of the century hit Japan and left a the whole country in horror. I, carrying a suitcase packed for not more than 3 days, left for Osaka and then Germany. All my beloved friends scattered to the four winds: some still in Tokyo, some went to south Japan and some back in their home countries.
Being in Germany is a huge cure for the soul. No need to run here, but too much time leaves no time to rest your mind. So now, 3 days before I have to take my flight back to Tokyo I still haven't decided on whether to stay or take another year off and stay in Berlin, doing an internship and start school next April. On the one hand I don't want to waste one year on the other hand the radiation levels around Japan are still out of control and I'm very worried about myself and all my friends, who are still in Tokyo.
It's hard to say where we all gonna end up. But all that made me really realize how much I love this country, how much I love it's people and how much I want to go back to how we were before. But for now there are decisions to be made. And I have only 3 days left.
Katie
your heart can't be colder than this world of ice and snow
It's the first snow I've ever seen in Tokyo, and it's also the first snow I have seen in let's say 3 years. I'm definitely not somebody who ever enjoys winter. With a low blood pressure and shaking knees whenever the temperature falls under 15 degrees, all I actually want to do during the cold months is to stay in my little cold apartment and hide under my bed sheets with hot tea, movies and books all by myself.
But no matter how much I wish for the spring to come, for the sun shining through the sheer curtains into my room early in the morning, ice cream in the noon and cold beer in the evening sun, for long walks through still undiscovered parts of the city, sleeping on the grass in Yoyogi Park, freckles all over my face, and so on and on...No matter how much I'm longing for this season to start, it won't. At least not for a while and to make it all worse it will still get colder, wetter, sadder until the sun finally shows some mercy.
But today when I saw the snow in front of my window, I had to take a walk. I had to go outside to hear the snow crunch under my feet, to let the snow flakes melt on my face.
And then I remembered how my mom, my dad and me used to sit in my dads huge truck, in the middle of the coldest winter, how our feet were cozily warm from the heater and how the thick snowflakes battered against the windscreen, driving somewhere.
I think it was France. And that was me all alone on Valentines Day.
Katie
no more heart shaped chocolate, please! !
There will be a day soon,that I don't sit here in front of this keyboard,
which now seems too big for my thoughts,
until 1 am, thinking about a way to make words lighter.
so i try to write them down on paper,
but they're still too heavy
so paper breaks.
and I should get some sleep now.
It's Valentines Day soon. Valentines Day is the only day of the year that I really have a cordial dislike towards. Poor bitter little thing.
wouldn't mind someone taking me up the Eiffel Tower though.
Katie
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