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You are always looking for this particular thing. And when you think you have finally found it, they'd just come and snatch it away from you. And you stand there, not having the power anymore to start your search again.
And in times like these you wish the city was colorful, you wish it would distract you from the black&white inside your head. You wish the city would take your hand and make you dance on the streets, make you watch sunrises from rooftops, make you walk over markets on sunny Saturday mornings and throw little treasures right to your feet.
But Tokyo is not a city like this. Tokyo won't let you hide away.
Need to get away.
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I know it has been quite. Here are some of the best memories from Jan '12 to present to give you a little update.

And seeing these pictures just makes me realise how delicate things are and how soon everything can go away.


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when I was 19 nights like these would just have taken me out on the street, into some bar optionally with a girl friend for the good laugh or just with my notebook and a pen for being emo. Well not that this is about growing old and becoming wiser or anything, as I don't feel like I have grown up a bit since my 16th birthday, it's just that recently I'm lacking the power to not give a fuck, while that is excactly all I wanna do and I'm pretty sure that would just be the best for all of us.  But as a matter of fact I'm still being too arrogant on this to not to care and plus winter is coming and sucking up most of myself anyway, which leads to: Spending the night before a midweek holiday at home under uncountable layers of blankets watching movies about the 1930's and movies about sex. or movies about sex in the 1930's.
And as most of the bad things that happened last autumn / winter just repeat in excactly the same way they did last year, pray for me that i don't brake my rib bones on christmas again.
And maybe that's why I feel this urge to stay home under my pillows, with my hot tea and my 1930 sex movies.

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the old wooden ladder creaked as we went up it's stairs from a friend's aparment somewhere in berlin. the heavy hatch opened us a secret passage to the most beautiful sunset. the rooftop our's, with the whole world to our feet. 
smoke, airplanes and birds in the air and god doing too much coke, so the evening skies would turn bloody read. what a laugh. 
and we'd travel to nameless countries if we could, but most of all we'd just stay there. until the sun set there was nothing that could harm us. 
a moment on a rooftop in wedding, berlin.

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and only silent skies can sooth me
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still i walked when i shoulda run

and i ran when i shoulda walked
and don't i know it
and don't i know it