night

night

when I was 19 nights like these would just have taken me out on the street, into some bar optionally with a girl friend for the good laugh or just with my notebook and a pen for being emo. Well not that this is about growing old and becoming wiser or anything, as I don't feel like I have grown up a bit since my 16th birthday, it's just that recently I'm lacking the power to not give a fuck, while that is excactly all I wanna do and I'm pretty sure that would just be the best for all of us.  But as a matter of fact I'm still being too arrogant on this to not to care and plus winter is coming and sucking up most of myself anyway, which leads to: Spending the night before a midweek holiday at home under uncountable layers of blankets watching movies about the 1930's and movies about sex. or movies about sex in the 1930's.
And as most of the bad things that happened last autumn / winter just repeat in excactly the same way they did last year, pray for me that i don't brake my rib bones on christmas again.
And maybe that's why I feel this urge to stay home under my pillows, with my hot tea and my 1930 sex movies.

Katie

moments

moments

the old wooden ladder creaked as we went up it's stairs from a friend's aparment somewhere in berlin. the heavy hatch opened us a secret passage to the most beautiful sunset. the rooftop our's, with the whole world to our feet. 

smoke, airplanes and birds in the air and god doing too much coke, so the evening skies would turn bloody read. what a laugh. 

and we'd travel to nameless countries if we could, but most of all we'd just stay there. until the sun set there was nothing that could harm us. 

a moment on a rooftop in wedding, berlin.

3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine

3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine

and only silent skies can sooth me

run

run

still i walked when i shoulda run

and i ran when i shoulda walked

and don't i know it

and don't i know it

be careful what you wish for

be careful what you wish for

i wanted
more action
more fun
more drama
more ups
more downs
more love
more laughter
more friends
more fiends
more drinks
more drugs
more party
more stories
more sound
more beat


something to believe in.

more than ever

more than ever

1 am in my mom's kitchen

the window's open,

still smoky inside.

a mango i plan to eat for breakfast lies next to me.

a pack of wild rice i plan to take back with me to tokyo too.

moving more than ever,

still stuck.

i'm making preparations for so many small things

but not for myself.

i feel like it's easy to move your body from place to place.

but i think i lost my mind somewhere,

maybe at the airport in shanghai.

changes

changes

On March 11 the biggest earthquake of the century hit Japan and left a the whole country in horror. I, carrying a suitcase packed for not more than 3 days, left for Osaka and  then Germany. All my beloved friends scattered to the four winds: some still in Tokyo, some went to south Japan and some back in their home countries. 

Being in Germany is a huge cure for the soul. No need to run here, but too much time leaves no time to rest your mind. So now, 3 days before I have to take my flight back to Tokyo I still haven't decided on whether to stay or take another year off and stay in Berlin, doing an internship and start school next April. On the one hand I don't want to waste one year on the other hand the radiation levels around Japan are still out of control and I'm very worried about myself and all my friends, who are still in Tokyo.

It's hard to say where we all gonna end up. But all that made me really realize how much I love this country, how much I love it's people and how much I want to go back to how we were before. But for now there are decisions to be made. And I have only 3 days left.

Katie